looking back at my past few months of entries, i can't help but feel pathetic.  it was only 3 years ago, when i was much much younger, that i have believed to be indestructable (physically, mentally, spiritually)...  these days i find my trapped in a self created mental closet.  ~oh my god a rubber... rubber... rubber~ OK moving on.  so, i've come to the following kindergarten conclusion:  i am only as capable as i want/believe to be.  like suddenly trying to become an optimist, this change will likely prove to be difficult.  i don't know exactly when/why i became this way but i have a couple theories.  today is a new day.  i will use each passing moment as an opportunity to turn things around.  this is that moment.  GO.

^^ gah, i haven't done that in a while.   

i feel a little bad writing this entry for many of my friends have had birthdays not many days ago and there were no entries dedicated to them.  heck, my own mother's birthday was yesterday.  here it goes, anyway...

today, this very site that am using to post entry turned 3 years old.  though seemingly indifferent about it, tabulas does means a little something something to me.  from time to time, i visit my site and browse through my past entries.  my stupid entries, random pictures, dorky jokes, terrible poems, et cetera... each represent a certain significance in my life.  as i read on, memories of the near forgotten past spring back to life.  i chuckle at the pictures of donald taking shots of soy sauce and the lot of us dressed in yellow. 

in many aspects, tabulas indeed has helped me 'chronicle my life.'   though i turn to such lesser sites as xanga for shits and giggles, and  eprops, i applaud you sir your endless efforts with tabulas.  three years in itself is quite a feat and i wish you further continued success. 

when i initially decided to post this entry, i had many brilliant and good things to say about tabulas and the man behind it all.  but the narcissistic side in me is telling me to shut up, i suppose.  also, it is quite past my bedtime and i am having trouble putting together coherent sentences.  so, kudos roy and keep up the good work.  without further adieu, i'm now going to check my xanga. 
 

taken from roy's post a couple months ago:

I found wisdom in an interview between Bill Simmons (the Sports Guy) and Malcolm Gladwell (author of "Blink":

GLADWELL:
The (short) answer is that it's really risky to work hard, because then if you fail you can no longer say that you failed because you didn't work hard. It's a form of self-protection. I swear that's why Mickelson has that almost absurdly calm demeanor. If he loses, he can always say: Well, I could have practiced more, and maybe next year I will and I'll win then. When Tiger loses, what does he tell himself? He worked as hard as he possibly could. He prepared like no one else in the game and he still lost. That has to be devastating, and dealing with that kind of conclusion takes a very special and rare kind of resilience. Most of the psychological research on this is focused on why some kids don't study for tests -- which is a much more serious version of the same problem. If you get drunk the night before an exam instead of studying and you fail, then the problem is that you got drunk. If you do study and you fail, the problem is that you're stupid -- and stupid, for a student, is a death sentence. The point is that it is far more psychologically dangerous and difficult to prepare for a task than not to prepare. People think that Tiger is tougher than Mickelson because he works harder. Wrong: Tiger is tougher than Mickelson and because of that he works harder.

After a couple months of studying, I decided to take my first practice test yesterday.  Although I won't go in detail with the score but, I will say that the practice test revealed that I was nowhere near ready and that possibly I was an official idiot.  A lot went through my head as I looked for explanations that would rescue me from feeling ashamed.  I didn't do this, that, blah blah blah.  Today, I got up and took another practice test.  Much to my amusement, I scored significantly better.  It wasn't anything near astonishing, but it was better (31).  Perhaps it was the amount of sleep I got before the first practice test ( I only got 4hrs) but, I was glad to have taken the second test.  By all means, I didn't do as well as I want or need to do but, after the first practice test, I am ever so slightly relieved.  Also, I have decided to push back the test date to August so that I can feel adequately prepared.  I guess it was my mistake for thinking it was another SATs.  Must study more.  Must study harder.  With summer school and other things needing attention, it'll be difficult to make time.  However, there still is time before the summber begins for me to take advantage of.  MCAT, don't be fooled.  I have not given up.  I have the resilience of Tiger. 

' women will tell you that they want a man who's sensitive and emotionally available - all these wonderfully soft, feminine qualities.  but the reason women are attracted to men is that men have a very violent, intense, animalistic side. '

-the dr dude from lost.